I haven't capitalised the first three letters of radical by mistake. RAD is an acronym for
Reactive Attachment Disorder, and I am the mum of a little RADical. Parenting a RADical kid is challenging at times. The highs are high, but the lows can be very low. Thankfully, we sought intervention when Alice was very young (about 16 months old) and the therapy we did then made a HUGE difference to her ability to attach. Unfortunately though, RAD is something that often simmers below the surface and can rear it's ugly head when you least expect it. Since therapy back in 2008, Alice has seemed to be doing very well, but the past few months have seen a return of the RAD-ish behaviour, but in a different form. Whereas initially we had withdrawal and refusal of affection, now we have anger. This is not any normal anger - it is an anger that runs deep, and is almost primal in it's depth and expression. What triggers this monumental anger?? Not much!! Right now, she is unable to cope with me saying 'no'. A refusal to do what she orders is usually met with a scream of 'it's not FAIR!!!', accompanied by crossed arms and stamping. Further refusal to bend to her will is met with screaming, kicking, hitting, spitting and growling (like a wild animal). She also resists affection from her brother and sister, often hurting them in the process, or claiming (untruthfully) that they are hurting her. These episodes can be short-lived (a few minutes) or go on for much, much longer. When she is really having a 'screamer' she seems to lose all control and simply cannot stop the upwelling of anger. It breaks my heart to see someone so little so very, very angry. After she calms, I ask her what made her angry. More often than not, she doesn't know. I think that she is simply too young to realise that the anger comes from deep within her soul, and it is anger at her abandonment. She will probably not be able to pinpoint the reasons for her anger for many years yet, but it is still there, simmering under the surface. Sometimes I just wish that I could take it away and let her be just a normal kid without such extreme emotions, but I know that it is a cross she will have to bear. All I can do is be there for her, hold her whilst she rages, and let her know that it will be OK. I pray that, eventually, it WILL be OK. That's the thing about RAD - even when one phase passes, there are no guarantees that things are 'fixed'. And one of the most difficult things about RAD is that, on the outside, Alice looks like a perfectly normal, well adjusted and balanced child. When in public, she is, most of the time, angelic! It is only at home where she lets it all hang out. Life with a RADical kid can be unpredictable, but it's not all bad. The feeling I get when this little, vulnerable person tells me that I am the best mummy ever, and that she never wants another mummy, is worth all the hard parts. She is my special little girl, and no matter what RAD throws at us, we shall make it through the other side.
